If you are a regular reader (hahaha...this site has only been here for like a week) you might notice some revision on this post...it is because Mr. Buffalo was telling Big Boy Buffalo about how the Bible says if you fast but tell people that the telling and sympathy is the reward...So I had to take out my Lent thing from this post...hope it still makes sense. If you read it last week, you already know, so be quiet.
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OK, this is getting ugly...
I was going to try to re-organize my week so that I could have a Sabbath...
Then I got to thinking...are my motives right for this?
What I need to do is think about doing this with the goal of getting closer to God....with the goal of getting things going in a good pattern here so that I can spend time with Him and my family and do whatever ministry He has for me, unimpeded.
So today, I was doing MY WHOLE lesson for Bible study...the whole thing...a week's worth. And although I am sure I did not get from it what I could have, what I DID get from it is that for the most part I am an entitlist...I don't think that is actually a real word, but what I mean is this...
"I can eat this pie because I had a bad day..." or "it's a special occassion" or whatever.
Now that is not so bad for the most part as long as I really DO keep it to special days...
And that is just one example...on many many fronts, I feel that I am entitled to do or have certain things...I really didn't realize this until this morning, when it hit me like a ton of bricks.
As I was reading (scanning) this morning, I felt that the Lord was telling me that I had a huge time-sucking habit...and here it is.
As long as I get the most basic of things done in the morning, I feel that I can do my own thing in the afternoon...which usually means one particular thing I like to do. And I do it every day, almost...and it takes alot of time if you added it all up.
So today as I was ripping through my Bible study, there was a question about "What do you give more time than the Lord?" or "What takes your thoughts more than the Lord?" or something like that. And I thought, "Well, this will probably be lengthy..." and I put down
1. this one thing that I can't say because Mr. Buffalo says it won't count if I tell everyone. Stink on him.
Anyway, this thing, well that's all I could think of. I thought and thought....trying to come up with something else....
nope
nothing
Not that there isn't anything else, but that is all I was able to think about.
And I panicked...and I thought "Maybe I could just do it in the morning....or just night...just quick once a day"
But the lesson in the Bible study talked about not "cutting corners".
Gag
Gag
Gag
My attitude is not good for this right now. I am supposed to do the next set of Scripture songs much sooner than I thought...one Bible study group is starting the study in April. And getting rid of this one thing is going to change the way we do things for that.
Sigh....
I can't believe this is happening. And I know this sounds so stupid but it is HUGE to me.
I guess that is why it will be a good thing to give up.
I will get alot done...not just because I won't be doing this thing, but because I won't be thinking about finding opportunities to do it.. trying to work it in during little times in the day. Trying to work my day around it. (Does this sound sad to you? Like I have no constructive hobbies??)
Gag.
I have to get my attitude right or it will be for nothing. God is trying to grow me...I can feel it.
Truthfully I don't get alot of these sacrifice/hard choice deals thrown my way...and I have to get to a place where I am not hanging on by my fingernails waiting for it to be over.
This is an opportunity for me to get my priorities back in line...
I thought I was doing OK with this realigning priorities for the Sabbath thing until today....not great but OK...
ugh.
6 more days.
